r.e.m offers advice.

when the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone...when you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on...don't let yourself go...'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes...sometimes everything is wrong...now it's time to sing along...when your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)...if you feel like letting go, (hold on)when you think you've had too much of this life...well hang on...'cause everybody hurts...take comfort in your friends...everybody hurts...don't throw your hand...oh, no...don't throw your hand...if you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone...if you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long...when you think you've had too much of this life to hang on...well, everybody hurts sometimes...everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes and everybody hurts sometimes...so, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on...everybody hurts...you are not alone

i tell you these last few days have been hella hard, and this is just the beginning...only if that dagnab 'easy button' actually worked...i think melindy and i would have one permanently attached to our hand right about now...we both are stressed, and at moments it's hard to see clearly, what the other's point of view is...we have to take a step back and say to one another "hey, i'm on your side." we've been forgetting that lately. (in sickness and in health). we are not alone.

the date has been set.

received a call from doctor #6's office today, to be told that the surgery has been scheduled for august 21....that was scheduled much quicker than originally told, it took all of 3 days! - not 2 weeks....the stress just continues to increase....now when i want something to happen in 3 days (like test results) it takes 2 weeks....murphy's law (perhaps the wrong adage, but i can't think of anything else at the moment)...and actually that might also be the wrong word, ugh! (time for bed!)

u got 2 know when 2 hold em, know when 2 fold em.

today we met with doctor #6...we asked questions...she answered questions...the surgery will be scheduled...not sure when (because it takes about two weeks to schedule it)...i asked for it to be scheduled in october...to allow plenty of time for us to get our ducks in a row...she said she will see what she can do, but the look on her face seemed to say...um, yeah, no....it seems like there are several doctors involved when it comes to the removal of one's entire leg (orthopedic, vascular and reconstructive surgeons to name a few) ...and trying to make it work for everyone's schedule is a challenge, so basically, i get in, when i get in...talk about life stressors...we are about to be under some crazy fishsticks and such stress....i learned some things i didn't want to really know (i did want to know, but it's now what i wanted to hear)...basically, she said, we are talking time bomb...(love that language)...so the sooner the better...joy....(doctor #6 has to work on her poker face).

what if you can't eat all 5 food groups?

i didn't have anything to write for a few weeks, but i thought i would put out an update on what's been happening, it's been over a month and a half now and after many non-active days and sleepless nights (there were however those drug induced nights of sleep that i love, oh so much)...i have decided to have the amputation...there are many questions that i have for doctor #6, melinda, my parents and i will meet with her, in order for her to answer said questions....i would like to wait to have the surgery until after august, which will give us time to prepare ourselves for this huge life change and to allow us to have a somewhat of a peaceful summer...there is still tons of research that i have to do and i am very overwhelmed with all of it...what i need is any suggestions anyone has, to put some weight on my fragile little bones...i thought i was eating more over the last few weeks, but when i weighed myself the other night i found that i am still losing weight...at this point, i have lost over 20lbs....for those of you who know me, that is a lot of weight for me...you should know that i am not a huge fan of sweets or dairy...(i know, what's left then?)...i am sure all you wise healthy eating folks out there can give me some advice (no soy cheese please, i have been drinking soy milk)....after my last surgery, coming out of the anesthesia was very very hard on my body....i also lost a lot of blood....i can't do much about those things (i don't think)...but i would like my physical self to be a lot healthier than it is currently, going into surgery.