they're going to do what?

(this is an ivc filter, i think it's just a couple of inches)

on monday, i am going down to ann arbor because i will be having an i.v.c. filter put in...ivc stands for inferior vena cava, a major blood vessel that returns blood from the lower part of the body to the heart...the filter is a small piece of metal that will be put into the inferior vena cava to prevent blood clots from going from the site of the amputation up to my heart or lungs...this kind of blood clot is called a deep vein thrombosis...if the clot goes to the lung, it's called a pulmonary embolus...which, if large enough could cause death...the filter will be put in by a vascular surgeon...it's an outpatient surgery...i was told that i will have something called twilight sedation where i am aware of what is going on but i can’t feel what’s going on – i have such wonderful luck...he described the procedure as a needle going into a vein in my groin to put a catheter into a blood vessel (gross)...then the catheter is positioned so the ivc filter can be inserted...the doctor will be using an x-ray so he can see the filter and move it to where it’s supposed to be...the procedure is supposed to take less than an hour...i’ll be in recovery up to 4 hours...then i can come home...can’t wait.

props to "j" for attending my appointment with me and taking great notes...this was an all day event, because after talking with the doctor, i had to have, an ekg, chest x-ray and some bloodwork done, then i had a 2p. mri and a 4p. ctscan - "j" kept me company the whole day

a side note - they told me i couldn't eat anything after 10a for the mri and ctscan, after each scan i asked, "why is it that i wasn't supposed to eat?" they each (they being each individual scanner person) said, "i'm not sure"...i guess they give out the same instructions for all patients (that's what you call patient friendly services or something like that) ugh...

then on tuesday, in east lansing, i will be having an epidermal inclusion cyst removed from my shoulder...which at one point it looked like something the size of a grape was protruding out of my shoulder, according to the doctor (general surgeon) it needs to be removed...he said the good thing is, that it's not infected...if it were, then it would be more difficult to remove...(it had gone down in size by the time i was able to see the doctor...and i told him, that it had gone down...thinking that it would continue to go down and disappear, but he said, that because it has gone down it will be easier to remove, but it still should come out and be tested)...joy!

wednesday, i get to go back down to ann arbor for an appointment with doctor #6, whom i am sure will send me for more x-rays and bloodwork

there's something thursday, but it escapes me...

friday, the 10 day countdown begins...

vent

who knew that after you have your whole leg amputated...you would have to make adjustments? i'm not ready to adjust...it's like admitting defeat or something...i guess i feel i have been defeated by this damn disease...(in comparison to others with it...i am very very lucky)...but right now in my head - that doesn't matter....i'm about to have my leg cut off...wtf?!?!?!?!?

insurance hassles

need i say more!?!?!?

a book a day.

looking for a few good books to read during my down time. any suggestions?

waah!!!

picture by eric drooker

remember when you were a baby? (of course you don't, but you know what i am saying) you could scream and cry all you needed...and hopefully some loving adult type would come and comfort you the best they could...and all would be well in the world...if only temporarily. then we become adults....and that whole screaming and crying thing doesn't work as well...you know how justin is bringing sexy back? i want to bring screaming and crying back and have someone comfort me...if only temporarily. (melinda is excluded from this, cause it's her job.) (hee hee.)

r.e.m offers advice.

when the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone...when you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on...don't let yourself go...'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes...sometimes everything is wrong...now it's time to sing along...when your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)...if you feel like letting go, (hold on)when you think you've had too much of this life...well hang on...'cause everybody hurts...take comfort in your friends...everybody hurts...don't throw your hand...oh, no...don't throw your hand...if you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone...if you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long...when you think you've had too much of this life to hang on...well, everybody hurts sometimes...everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes and everybody hurts sometimes...so, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on...everybody hurts...you are not alone

i tell you these last few days have been hella hard, and this is just the beginning...only if that dagnab 'easy button' actually worked...i think melindy and i would have one permanently attached to our hand right about now...we both are stressed, and at moments it's hard to see clearly, what the other's point of view is...we have to take a step back and say to one another "hey, i'm on your side." we've been forgetting that lately. (in sickness and in health). we are not alone.

the date has been set.

received a call from doctor #6's office today, to be told that the surgery has been scheduled for august 21....that was scheduled much quicker than originally told, it took all of 3 days! - not 2 weeks....the stress just continues to increase....now when i want something to happen in 3 days (like test results) it takes 2 weeks....murphy's law (perhaps the wrong adage, but i can't think of anything else at the moment)...and actually that might also be the wrong word, ugh! (time for bed!)