the friday after finding there was no malignancy, i received a phone call from doctor #6's office to say she would like to see me wednesday....i assumed it was to go over surgical options, so melinda, my parents and i went to the appointment....to find out what the next step was....the first person that came into the room was doctor #6's physician assistant jill...jill had a look of concern on her face (that told me something wasn't right)....she asked me how i was....i told her i wasn't feeling so great, that i was in a lot of pain, losing weight, very tired and so on...i then said, so jill what's the next step...when can we take these tumors out?...she basically said, it's not that easy, but she wanted to wait for doctor #6 to explain it to me....she then leaves the room...again WTF?
doctor #6 enters the room...and she says that the tumor that was originally thought to be on, near, around the bladder is actually in the femoral nerve...(The femoral nerve is located in the leg and supplies the muscles that help straighten the leg. It supplies sensation to the front of the thigh and part of the lower leg.)...if she removed the tumor, it would cause damage to the femoral nerve and would make my leg useless...i wouldn't be able to move it...her concern...she is not able to guarantee that the tumor in the femoral nerve is not malignant...the only way to tell is to take it out and biopsy the entire tumor....so i said okay take it out and if it leaves me without use of my leg i will deal with that...her response...i would be back in 2 months begging her to take my leg, because my leg would be like an anchor....(i already feel that way and i am having trouble getting around as it is now)....so she says my option would be the hemipelvectomy....(hmm)...what's the other option? the other option would be to try to monitor the tumor, and see if it is malignant...how do we tell this? i ask...to put it bluntly...it would spread to the lungs...okay, so you are telling me that i can either have my entire leg amputated or wait for cancer to spread to my lungs?..."yes."
before i was to make this decision though she wanted me to go visit the amputation clinic and a plastic surgeon...to further understand what would be happening if i decided to have the surgery...IF I DECIDE...in the meantime she wanted to check the biopsy site to see if there was an infection...she sent me to have an ultrasound...the ultrasound people told me that there is so much damage back there that they can't even tell if there is an infection...(nice).
doctor #6 enters the room...and she says that the tumor that was originally thought to be on, near, around the bladder is actually in the femoral nerve...(The femoral nerve is located in the leg and supplies the muscles that help straighten the leg. It supplies sensation to the front of the thigh and part of the lower leg.)...if she removed the tumor, it would cause damage to the femoral nerve and would make my leg useless...i wouldn't be able to move it...her concern...she is not able to guarantee that the tumor in the femoral nerve is not malignant...the only way to tell is to take it out and biopsy the entire tumor....so i said okay take it out and if it leaves me without use of my leg i will deal with that...her response...i would be back in 2 months begging her to take my leg, because my leg would be like an anchor....(i already feel that way and i am having trouble getting around as it is now)....so she says my option would be the hemipelvectomy....(hmm)...what's the other option? the other option would be to try to monitor the tumor, and see if it is malignant...how do we tell this? i ask...to put it bluntly...it would spread to the lungs...okay, so you are telling me that i can either have my entire leg amputated or wait for cancer to spread to my lungs?..."yes."
before i was to make this decision though she wanted me to go visit the amputation clinic and a plastic surgeon...to further understand what would be happening if i decided to have the surgery...IF I DECIDE...in the meantime she wanted to check the biopsy site to see if there was an infection...she sent me to have an ultrasound...the ultrasound people told me that there is so much damage back there that they can't even tell if there is an infection...(nice).
1 comment:
It's not often I find myself impressed by anyone. A bit of a nihilist, I must confess, I feel weighted by the world and the problems we collectively face.
As, I am sure, you get from my writing.
Still, on occaision, my dark outlook is challenged by those who still find hope in this insane world.
You have so much hope. Even in the face of numerous obstacles you hold yourself up with more strength then I know.
I sometimes forget how to soldier on. And that is the truth.
I push forward for those, who I care for, who need my help. And for no other reason.
I don't see the bright light at the end of the tunnel, just a long line of seemingly endless track.
You, on the other hand, are forced to make decisions, which require sacrifice beyond measure, and you do it with a champions grace.
I think you are pretty amazing.
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